gone

it has been going on for a while.

This might just be a fluke. something temporary.

Yet, i wonder what exactly would happen if this goes on.

It seems like many things has changed for me throughout this past few weeks or maybe months. Maybe it's just that phase of being a teenager where you get the experience to ride on a different roller coaster. tch.

the things i liked in the past, has suddenly turned dull to me.

the things that i disliked and avoided from the past suddenly becomes a ray of light in my eyes.

it's frightening.

Maybe, i'm still a rookie in this whole "no matter what life throws at you, keep moving". Yet I believe there has to be a reason for all this events that has happened. In my past and the current time.

lately though, one other thing has been bothering me.

I feel like as strange as this might sounds, my emotions are freezing up.

My enthusiasm is hard to grasp and reach. I don't know what i truly like anymore.

The presence of humans around me gets on my nerves easily.

I tend to avoid people when i get the opportunity.

Ah, i am an introvert but it has never been this bad.

Yet, when i'm around people, i seem to be completely fine. completely contented. Am i?

there's something i have yet to understand regarding myself.

I need to get ahead of this game.

A game where only i can win or lose.

it has been going on for too long.

yet again, uncertainties are lurking everywhere  that even i, find it

intimidating.

Fascinating

i was never the type who enjoys being in a crowd,

being a claustrophobic is a pain.

being an introvert is another thing.

yet, whenever i got caught in a situation which involves being in the company of a huge number of people, the same thoughts always cross my mind.

Looking around, 

everyone around me seems so different, so unique.

"fascinating"

i said to myself.

it's interesting how no one is exactly similar to the other. even twins have their differences.

 That's just how amazing my Creator is.

but then again,

the same thoughts passed my mind today.

While standing in the hall during assembly among my friends,

while leaning against the wall at the stairs during the evening, waiting for my sister to pick me up.

All i need to do is to look around, and i could see one person walking towards the park, a kid jumping happily in front of An Nadiya, a boy sitting on a chair, a mom carrying her baby and many other activities by different individuals that i couldn't possibly keep note of them all. Everyone seems to have their own program. Their own story. Nothing they do is the same. Every one second, someone would do something. Even when you're in class with your friends, listening to the same teacher teaching in front, copying down the same thing from the whiteboard to your notebook, your actions and thoughts still in a sense differ from your friends. 

Every single time,

i would thought to myself.

"what would this people be in the future?"

"what is their story?"

"what are they actually going through?"

"what kind of path would they tread on the future?"

"what are they thinking right now?"

once in my life, i wished i could mind read. It would save me so much thoughts haha.

Although now, i would re think that wish of mine coz well, it does have its consequences...

11 minutes

11 minutes might not sound grand to your ears.

You might just brush it off.

the "It's just 11 minutes" thoughts might pass through your mind but hey, it doesn't matter if it's 11 minutes, 11 seconds or 11 hours, all those times are valuable and can never be extricated back from the past. unretrievable.

Today during our Tahfiz session, our lovely sis Humaira' told us to write a short story based on "11 minutes". so i did. I wrote a story about this cancerous girl who reverted to Islam and she wrote her story down on her last 11 minutes on this earth. 

Sitting in the class afterwards, other thoughts came too my mind. Thoughts about how humans always takes things for granted. We love indulging ourselves with happy thoughts to the point where we become ignorant. We hate problems, we despise conflicts, we loath hardships. Conclusion? We are one selfish bunch.

Are we part of that bunch? Am I part of that bunch?

Let's strive to not be in one yeah? :)

All the people who are suffering right now, imagine how the felt when they remembered those golden times where every day they wake up without any new bandages on their bodies,  they can go to school and work peacefully,  eat dinner with their beloved ones, spent eid merrily with their family and friends and basically live a peaceful life.

If a machine was created that can enable someone to go back to their best times for 11 minutes, i'm sure many people would gladly accept the machine despite the duration of time being only 11 minutes. Time is too precious. Time flies at a different speed for people in different situations. When you're happy, time flew by but when you're sad, time seems to be crawling by. Every second aches.

That's just it. There's nothing we can do.

Time is irreversible.

Be grateful for what you have.

On the side note, let's keep praying for our brothers and sisters who are fighting for us out there yeah? that's the LEAST we can do. Spread awareness, show your support. they're our family for shouting out loud. Can you be happy seeing your family members massacred in front of you? if you're happy with the situation, then i'm sorry. I'm sorry that you lost your humanity. Awfully sorry.

My heart goes to my brothers and sisters in Palestine, Syria, Rohingya, Egypt and all over the world that i have never heard of or met. Just know that you are my family. Your pain is my pain. I might be smiling and laughing over here, but a hidden pain lies underneath the facade. It can never be the same knowing that people i care for are killed on daily basis. My prayers goes to you every single day. Thank you for being strong for us who couldn't even wipe your tears while you're suffering. Our heart aches for you.

#R4BIA

#Pray4Egypt

#SavePalestine

#SaveSyria

#Save Rohingya

#SaveHumanity

same yet not quite

This year's raya has been very very memorable for me.

I guess coz my my sisters has both gotten married, hv their own house, got work and all, 

my family were most times separated. Thus the reason why I get so happy when all of my family members are under one roof. like seriously happy though i don't really express it hahah.

So since it's raya and all, my angah and bro in law came all the way from Kelantan to our lil cozy house.

Meaning :

My family was complete!

everyone was there.

including the newest addition, baby Syifa' :')

i can just cry happily.

Sadly, i just sent my angah back to Kelantan few hours ago. she's a doctor now. have to work. everyone's busy now. bro in law dah balik semalam. one n only nephew and other bro in law not at home. The spell has broken.

Yet that's not the point of this blog post.

Yesterday i get to sleep with my angah and along like old times, ate at the same table with all three there and them without their husbands lol. just eating happily. me being the idk how to express kid just sat there being weird yet deep inside, i missed those moments. those old times, when my sisters were still single haha. those old times when they would come back home and just do what a typical family does. laze around, watch tv, eat dinner together, spent time outside together. Not that i'm being bitter, but yesterday and today, i realised something important.

eating with them at the same table felt the same as old times yet clearly it's not the same. Things has changed.

We all changed. I have accepted that fact ages ago.

Alhamdulillah.

I wouldn't change anything. I'm happy for the fact that both of my sisters has found someone who would love and take care of them better than i will. They are happy. That's all i need to know. 

I may not be the best younger sister. I may be a weird grumpy kid most of the times but it's just because i don't really know how to express myself when i'm with my family. That's just me. I wish i'm better at those things but hey, i love them and that's all that matters.

Anyways, one of the highlights of this year's raya is me, my angah and abangah (bro in law), hang out at klcc on the night of the 1st day of the raya! ahaha we thought it's gonna be empty. they treated me coffee bean's choc cake and hazelnut milkshake. yummers ;) roamed around searching for a lift haha and had laughing fits with those two kids. i swear, they're like kids *indirectly saying they're cute* lol. it was great. I don't get much time to spend time with them so getting to spend time with them on that day was marvellous. Alhamdulillah. 

and not to forget my never ending love towards my relatives<3 they made my raya complete man. Without them, raya would be dull. It ain't the same. I'm grateful that i have awesome chilling hilarious though kinda weird cousins ahah. i didn't just typed "weird". pfft. Weird means unique. awesomeness<3

well you see, i'm not exactly comfortable with letting the world *bajet famous* see my pics. sikit sikit boleh la. so here you goooo. let the rest stay in my heart, mind and laptop.

ps. amazingly the song peter pan kinda fit this post so ya. i translate songs into my life. deal with it (y)

Masalah remaja

apa masalah saya.

apa masalah awak.

apa masalah ummah.

 

bermasalah sangat ke?

jangan jaga tepi kain orang boleh? kubur nanti asing asing.

suka hati aku la. hidup aku.

alah, hidup ini sementara, enjoy ah.

muda muda ni aku nak enjoy. umur akur panjang lagi. tua nanti aku taubat la.

Will we still act the way we're acting now if we know about the real meaning of this life. If we know about what will face once death decides to visit us. If we know about the real terrors of the azab in the akhirah that Allah has promises for those who strays from His path and the ni'mat that Allah has promised for those who are righteous? Will we?

 seandainya kita tahu hakikat yang sebenar, adakah kita akan kekal seperti hari ini?

Take and analyse the message from Surah Al Asr.

"Demi Masa"

"Sesungguhnya manusia itu berada di dalam kerugian"

"kecuali mereka yang beriman dan melakukan amalan soleh dan menasihat nasihati ke arah kebenaran dan menasihat nasihati ke arah kesabaran"

Tbh, everytime i read that surah, i feel sad. incredibly sad and ashamed. segan. It's one of the most frequent surah recited by us i believe. Yet, have we ever take the essence of the message that lies in the surah?

The surah tells us to use the time we have to:

1. get closer to Allah the Almighty

2. Do good deeds

3. Advice others towards the better. Da'wah to society. 

4. Advice others to be patient. Be patient for only the patient ones will win.

5. Don't waste your time with things that doesn't benefit you! 

You may interpret the surah in your own unique way but the main core of this surah is basically our life is meaningless, useless, unless we live righteously according to Islam. 

Do we want to be part of those whose life are pointless in this world?

No. 

The message is simple, use the time you have wisely.

Death can come anywhere.

The graves are full with people who wished they do more ibadah and do more good deeds when they were still alive.

Open the news and you'll see death of young people, old people, people your age. None but Allah knows when our death will be. No one can predict their own death. Siapa kata orang muda tak boleh mati muda? ada je. ada. That's reality. It's up to us now. It's up to us to use the time we have to it's best extend.

Remember Rasulullah's advice :

"Take advantage of five matters before five other matters: 

  your youth, before you become old; 

  and your health, before you fall sick;

  and your richness, before you become poor; 

  and your free time before you become busy; 

  and your life, before your death"

The glory of the last ummah

it's a common knowledge among muslims to know that the ummah living on earth right now is the last ummah and ultimately the best ummah. the last ummah yet the 1st ummah to enter paradise. The ummah of Prohet Muhammad  saw.

As one of them, we should all be enlightened by that knowledge and strive for the better in this world and hereafter.

 You see, even Prophet Moses a.s wants to a part of the ummah of Prohet Muhammad saw.

Prophet Moses a.s said "My lord! I find in the Tablets (Torah) the mention of an Ummah that is the best Ummah ever evolved for the guidance of mankind, who enjoins good and forbids wrong. My Lord! Make them my Ummah." Allah said: "They are the Ummah of Ahmad."

He said again: "My Lord! I find in the Tablets the mention of an Ummah whose Scriptures are in their chest which they recite. Those who were before them, could only read their Book by looking in them, and when they close their Book could not read it, nor know it. They are capable of memorising it which no people of the past could do it. My Lord make them my Ummah." Allah said: "They are the Ummah of Ahmad."

Then he said: "My Lord! I find in the Tablets the mention of an Ummah who believe in the First Book and in the last Book. They fight against misguidance, till they fight the greater liar of one-eyed (Dajjal), My Lord! Make them my Ummah." Allah said: They are the Ummah of Ahmad."

Once again, he said: "My Lord! I find in the Tablets the mention of an Ummah who could eat their charity, and can still be rewarded. But before them, when other people gave something in charity, and it was accepted. Allah sent a fire which consumed it, and if it was left, it was eaten by predators and wild birds. And this charity is designed to be taken from their rich to their poor. My Lord! Make them my Ummah." Allah said: "They are the Ummah of Ahmad."

Then Prophet Moses a.s said: "My Lord! My Lord! I find in the Tablets the mention of an Ummah, if one of them had an intention to do good, and he could not do it, he will still get the reward of ten to seven hundred folds. My Lord! Make them my Ummah." Allah said: "They are the Ummah of Ahmad."

Prophet Moses a.s said: "My Lord! I find in the Tablets the mention of an Ummah who could intercede, and for whom intercession had been made. My Lord! Make them my Ummah." Allah said: "They are the Ummah of Ahmad."

Prophet Moses a.s then said: "O Allah! Make me from the Ummah of Ahmad."

Mashaallah =)

Mixed feelings

Always happens to me.
That moment when a sudden burst of emotions goes through you mind and soul without any notice.
For what? even i'm not sure.

Good or bad? Maybe both.

Very interesting

It's interesting how we are all so different yet somehow friendships are formed.

Friendship is a beautiful thing indeed and knowing that you and your friends are each completely different from each other despite some similarities yet even those similarities slightly differ.

Amusing isn't it?

or maybe it's just me.

I have been moving from places to places  a LOT ever since at a young age. Met many interesting people. Form friendships with many different individuals and created many precious memories Alhamdulillah :')

Guess what, those differences in each individuals are what made all this relationships that exist in this world interesting. We're all different personas yet somehow those are what tied us together. Ever thought of how you became friends with some people? The bonds may have been created in the beginning because of the few similarities you discovered but in the end, arguments will come up and problems may happen which may destroy the bond formed, but later on, when the grey cloud drifts away, the knot became stronger, and only then will the friendship be forever cherished or it might as well be a lesson for us and loosen the knot but you know something? everything happens for a reason and life has to go on!

Ever simply walked through a public place like the mall and observed the individuals around you and thought of what they were thinking at the moment or if they're happy with their life or whether they are happy or sad or what they will think of about certain issues or what's their favorite color?

It's just mildly interesting you know, i would love to go to a random person and have a nice chat and get to know them but i guess i just don't have the guts hahah

I once thought of becoming a psychologist coz i wanted to understand humans but after thinking it through, I would rather be an astronomer but who knows what life has for me ay ;)

Maybe it's because of the fact that i find humans interesting because of their variations that i find helping a random person or doing a good deed for a purely good reason is fun coz it's nice to see someone smiling sincerely at you even though they don't know anything about you. Not sure if that's creepy for some people who cares (y)

KDU 2013

Presenting, Dato' CQ Teo debate challenge 2013! *applause* 

Honestly for me, this experience is a bit strange coz the people i'm used to being with in debating competitions are no longer with me but on the bright side, i had an awesome team comprised of my juniors Eri and Alqays. Thanks guys for bearing with me throughout the whole tourney. Thank you for being awesome lol. Let's do better next comp ay :) and also thank you kamalia for always being by my side whenever i need support, i love you triplet :') thank you fakhry and rizal for motivating us by your visit. Thank you fattah for having confidence in us. Thank you sir fauzi and pn. azizah for having faith in us. Thank you Sir Rahman for staying with us.Thank you affan for just being there haha. Thank you fellow debaters for making this tourney a memorable one (You know who you are! right?) :)

This is random, but my juniors forced me to watch Last Exorcism 2 at The Curve and believe me, that will be my 1st and last time watching a creepy gory disgusting weird etc etc. movie at a cinema coz 1) you can't really not see the screen so you just have to watch it most of the time and 2) the sound is too loud lol. Thanks, Amirah, Eri, Alqays and Sir Rahman for that horrifying experience :P

                          Some of Sri Ayesha's future debaters and Rizal at the back lol

                                                                 Affan admiring Eri HAHA

My little assistant Amirah. A great future debater in the making :)

Oh meet Eri's parrot xD the parrot loves us ya know, it became so lively when we're around hahah

                                                   Everyone's tired faces after 4 rounds of debating

                                     The Hamidian's being random while waiting for i don't remember what

One of the best kuey teow ever! Banyak gila and i finished it all :P

AND HERE'S OUR GROUP PHOTOS :D *if any you debaters thinks you should be in the pic, you may edit yourself in as naturally as you can*

Alhamdulillah.

Da'wah

Really. What is da'wah?

is it like giving advices like we usually do?
is it those tazkirah they do after prayers at the mosque?
is it all those islamic forums they held?
is it the 30 min ustaz Don they showed on tv Al Hijrah?
is it those motivations we always hear at IKIM.fm?
is it those islamic songs we hear on the radio?

ladies and gentleman, the answer for all i stated above is yes.

Da'wah was never made to be put in a little box.
Da'wah can in any form, any way.
Da'wah is not simply listening to people preaching. No.

Da'wah can be in the form of your attire.
The way you talk.
The way you crack up jokes.
The way you interact with others.
They way you eat.
The way you sleep even.
The contents you tweet on twitter.
The pictures you reblogged on tumblr.
The way you vlog on youTube.

yada yada yada.

Be creative ya ikhwah.

If you think you're not fit enough or feel as if the burden is too much for you to da'wah to others then okay. Here's my advice, i'm not a scholar or anything. I do know one thing though, all of as muslims have responsibilities to spread and deliver the beautiful message of Islam to others.Yes. We don't have all the knowledge about Islam yet but is that an excuse?

Let me give you a story.
In a normal school in a non muslim country lies a young boy.
So in his school, there's a couple of muslimah wearing hijab and covering their aurah.

As years past, as non muslim girls start wearing more daring and striking stuff,
the muslimah's on contrary, covered up even more.

The boy was fascinated. He looked up about Islam. He discovered the beauty of Islam. He reverted to Islam. Until today, the reason why he reverted to Islam is because of those young muslimah's who never even talked to this boy. They probably don't even know him yet, they manage to unconciously da'wah to that guy thus reverting him to the straight path Masha Allah :')

See now,
it's so simple.

Wanna make it easier?
follow our prohet Muhammad's example :')
everything he does is for our benefit, for us to follow. The ultimate guide.

You may not be spreading Islam verbally BUT through your actions.
Da'wah can be in any form.
Remember that.

I promise

Here's the deal,
each of us were born with different specialties and we are all very blessed.
Some of you may say that you don't have any specialties at all but you know what, that's a lame thing to say.
Maybe RIGHT NOW you don't really see what you're good at and stuff but later, one day or maybe tomorrow InshaAllah, you'll see it. You never know right?
Anyways whatever we were born with, we should be grateful for it, be grateful, Alhamdulillah.

You see,
I have 4 siblings and Alhamdulillah (lol) I was born the youngest of em all.
Tbh, the age gap is quite huge too :( but ahhwell, Alhamdulillah :)
So above me, in a 9 year gap, I have a brother. A special brother if I may say.
He was born special. He wasn't like other guys his age. He couldn't really do some stuff most kids and guys do which are considered normal and which are taken for granted by people who were born perfect and by perfect I meant they don't have any problems with their legs or ears or whatever InshaAllah.
Even though, ya, my brother isn't like others, he's special.
Allah SWT is very very kind and fair.
He gives my brother a strong memory and the talent to draw.
Like mannn he even sold his drawings and once, his paintings were hung in Balai Seni ._.
and me? lol I have no talent at ALL in drawing or art or anything related to that HAHA.

See, Allah SWT is very kind and fair MashaAllah.

Our rooms as in my my room and my brother's are located right beside the other.
So we can basically shout at each other from our room but no we never do that coz my brother can't shout :p

I always considered it kind of strange how we came from the same family, same bloodline and all, we live in the same house, rooms right beside each other and yet, yet..

we live a different life.

Now,
I go to school, he stays in his room.
I go out with my friends, he stays in his room.
I play outside, he stays in his room.
I chat with my parents downstairs, he stays in his room.

He draws in his room, I surf the internet.
He plays on his tab, I do my homeworks.
He can sit and sleep all he wants, I have lots of things to settle.

I can run easily, he struggles to walk.
I play sports and stuff, he chills at home.
I talk super loud with my friends, he use sign language with his friends.
I debate, he can't.
I read the words in the books, he looks at the pictures.
I prefer to write, he prefers to draw.
I like colors, he likes black and white.

Really, our life in a way is very different yet at the same time we do have similarities.
Yet, people like him, they are very lucky.
My brother is deaf.
Can you imagine how much sins he avoids every day? Ya Allah.

I used to argue and have those mini i hate you moments with him because despite his differences, we're still siblings and no matter what happens, we still have the energy to argue especially when i were a kid lol. Now, as time passed, i realised that he's way luckier than i am. I realised how much I love that guy who is gradually becoming shorter than me as days past heheheheh.

Sadly though,we rarely see each other especially on school days even though our rooms are like right beside each other.

We understand each other. We can communicate with each other by our own special way haha. We know what the other one likes. We usually share snacks with each other when we have snacks haha coz we both love unhealthy food. We have this unique way of taking care of each other. Everytime he sees and checks on me, he'll ask me by sign language, " have you ate? have you prayed? " i used to get annoyed by that coz he usually randomly comes into my room and ask me that but now, I understands and appreciate that. Maybe that's his way of showing his care to me. Maybe that's his way of communicating with me. I swear, he's the nicest brother anyone can ever wish for.

He used to tidy up my room.
He lets me use his bag.
He lets me take his laptop even though I know he wants it back real badly.
Everytime I get mad and emo ish to him, he didn't do anything.
He used to buy magazines and comics for me.

and when I went to a camp for the 1st time and came home safely, he was the most excited one to see me home.

Allah is kind.

Allah is fair.

We still have our moments now and then.
Like when my dad decides to take us out,
we can still laugh together,
I still play pranks on him,
like how I usually appears out of nowhere and dash into to the toilet before him LOL.

Honestly, I'm pretty sure that I'm one of the few people on this earth, who can make jokes and laugh at his antiques and understands him without needing to utter any word at all.

I love him and no matter what others say, no matter how our times together seems to have lessen nowadays, I'll always be behind his back.

When I get older and when my parents are too old to take care of him.

I will. I promise. InshaAllah if I'm still alive.

I'm writing this here in my blog,
to remind me,
about all the blessings Allah SWT has given me,
about how everything happens for a reason,
how kind and fair Allah SWT is,
how I should be grateful for every single thing,

and

to remind me about this promise I made.

One day, when I get older,
when my parents get older,
when my brother gets older,

I have a responsibility to make.

the promise I made.

InshaAllah.

I promise.

Just one of the calls

Dengar sini wahai manusia,  Dengaq sini.

*switch language*

People, listen up.

It's time. Time for you to WAKE UP from your comfy sleep. WAKE UP and realised what you have been missing on. WAKE UP and face the reality of this world. WAKE UP and know and accept the reason why you're alive on this earth. WAKE UP and leave those duniawi stuff. WAKE UP and become a help to the ummah.

The ummah needs you.
We are last of the last.
After us, there will be no more. Mark my word. No more.
We're living in the last phase.
Kiamat is getting nearer day by day.
Signs of kiamat are popping out left and right.
People die everyday.
Thus, our death too is steadily getting closer to us.
You think death is funny? You think that it's a joke?
Well haha at you when death finally greets you and say  "hey, I'm real and I came for you, wanna laugh now? :D"

Things are changing. The arab spring is a sign itself.
People are starting to become more aware, more alert, more prepared, more proactive.
The muslims are rising.
Our ummah is slowly rising up, we help each other, we support each other but question is, are we part of the ummah? are WE part of that rising group or the falling to the burning pits of hell group? Think.

 I don't want to become part of the latter group. Do you?
I don't want to become the reason why Islam falls. Do you?
I don't want my weak iman to become the reason the kafir's win. Do you?
Most importantly, I don't want to face Allah SWT with guilt and fear in my heart and with Him telling me "You failed the test and now, you shall be burned and tortured by the worst tortures FOREVER"

What about you?

The clock is ticking.
Your decision is yours to make.
Just know that, once you decide to walk the path of mujahadah, Allah SWT will be there to guide you with open hands. Once you walk that path with a ready heart, InshaAllah help will come if you look for it and every effort that you make, every sufferings you endured, will be rewarded in the akhirah by Allah The Most Merciful. Believe me , if anyone is fair in this world, it would be Allah SWT :)

I dedicate this post to the teenagers.

Bangunlah wahai remaja, hentikanlah angan angan dunia mu. Bangkitlah menyahut panggilan Tuhanmu dan laungan saudara saudara mu. Bangunlah mempertahankan ummah. Islam merindui khalifah remaja nya. Rindu yang sudah sekian lama tidah berbalas. Islam memerlukan kita wahai khalifah muda.

Jika Sultan Muhammad Al Fateh boleh menunaikan tahajjud setiap malam mengapa bukan kita? Jika Sultan Muhammad Al Fateh boleh menawan kota Rom pada umur 19 tahun. Mengapa tidak kita? Mungkin bukan menawan kota, mungkin kita masih lemah untuk bertahajjud setiap malam tetapi ingatlah, setiap usaha yang kita laksanakan dengan niat kerana Allah pasti akan dibalas di akhirat. Percayalah.

Anda tidak akan rugi.

"Demi masa. Sesungguhnya manusia berada dalam kerugian. Kecuali mereka yang beriman dan beramal soleh dan saling menasihati untuk kebenaran dan saling menasihati untuk kesabaran"

InshaAllah.