Wandering around

I felt like I had been doing nothing this past few days .
Sickness was a part of the reason but I have seen a lot of sick people doing meaningful things out there even though it kills them .

Me .. what am I doing ? just wandering around thinking I have done enough though in reality I am still in the same spot . Unmoved . Moving in the same circle .

A lot of times , I felt envy seeing all those people out there who are far greater than I am . Accomplished . Know what they are doing . Have their own goals . Moving forward.

I hate moving in circles .
It pains me , gives me headaches .
Seeing the same thing , doing the same thing .
Yet I'm not doing any effort in getting out of the circle .

I want to be someone who are deemed as great by others . Someone who is considered an amazing person and respected by all . Someone whom haters can never bring down . Someone like that .

Yet , to be someone like that take a long time to accomplish .

I don't even know what my ambition is .

I have once been scolded for this single sentence . " I don't know "
coz I kept on saying that when people ask me a question .
Sometimes , I was saying that sentence out of honesty that I didn't know the answer for the question but there are times when I was just being a lazybum to answer the question ><
Yet what am I suppose to do ? Ban that word from my mouth ?

I love to know things but I didn't put enough effort in knowing things . I realized now . THAT is one of my flaws.

I don't even know the main point of my post this time .
To tell the world I'm moving in circles ? I don't hv any ambition ? that I'm dumb ?
It felt like I'm just blurting out what my heart is feeling right now as cheesy as that sounds .

Maybe someday .. I will finally do something that will get me out of the tortures of this circle .
Maybe someday .. I will move forward joining all those people who knows their mission and know how to accomplish it .
Someday ..

I wish .. that day will come sooner coz there's one thing about me that people should know . I hate waiting . As patient as I can be , deep inside . I still hate waiting .

I felt like I'm in a tunnel .
Lost in the darkness not knowing when the sunshine gonna show , not knowing where the end of the tunnel leads to . Stumbling yet still moving . The more I fell , the stronger I became . Steadier . Calmer . Confident .
Still searching . Searching for the light that marks the end of the tunnel .

Maybe .. one day .. someday .. later .. I will find that light and finally get out of that damn circle .

Maybe ..