IT'S ALL GOOD

THE STORM HAS PASSED!

happy maryam is back Alhamdulillah.

All i needed really was quality communications with real people in the real world hah.

So ya, hi spm. Time to do some catching up with you and no that doesn't mean i like you, i still hate you but no way am i letting you take the joy in me. Let's all be humans who truly know, understand and appreciate that fact and not try to copycat a robot because robots does not have a life and i do. CONQUER THE WORLD.

why is it so hard?

I don't understand a lot of things.
and that includes myself.

Why is it that everyday no matter how hard i try, it's just so hard to open up and express myself propely.
Even with the closest people or people i really want to open up to, it's just so effin hard.
Why?

and in the end, the one who sinks is me.

Nights like this, or should i say, mornings sebab dah 2 am hah hah is those nights where my mind wander and i go into those denial phase, running away from reality but oh, what good does that bring.

I need to talk to people but once i get the chance, a wall forms.
Preventing the words from coming out and benda lain yang keluar.

Why though?

How come it can be so easy for me at times to communicate and talk to others but at the same time i never seem to be able to really let myself out there. Afraid still, still afraid, of myself.

I hate telling people how insecure i am,
because, i don't want others to get influenced by the negativity and sink.

Thus,
is why i have so many little notes in my laptop, a notepad, countless diaries and random pieces of papers - those are all for my own sake in order to have a healthy mind har har.

You know what, just sleep.

but that's just it.

I don't want to step back into reality, yet.

Why?

Why though. Why.