Aren't you tired?

Dear people, aren't you tired?

Well I am :) I am extremely tired. Tired of thinking too much. Tired of caring. Tired of many things but not everything. I'm just..tired.

What does that mean though? Should I stop. Should I quit. Should just disappear from everyone's life and end all the misery? Maybe they will be better off without me. Without my stubbornnes, my blurriness,my sleepiness,my ignorance, my awkwardness,my temper, my failure and to put in a simple word , me.

Maybe .

lol you have to be kidding me.

I won't kill myself for anything. 

I won't disappear yet unless the time of my death which only Allah SWT knows.

Why should I? :)

There's so much more meaning to life than people.

I get tired easily yet some people never really understand.

Not everyone is the same yet some people still don't understand.

You know what, sometimes I get tired of smiling. 

and you know, I don't cry often but when I do, it means that I'm tired .

Just ... tired.

Tired.

I'm okay now :) Totally fine :)

My battery is charging. Preparing.Getting stronger by minute.Healing.Every single second.

Maybe I just have to force myself to eat despite my lack of appetite nowadays.

Maybe that will make me stronger physically so that my stamina will increase and I won't get tired easily so that some people won't be disappointed of me.  

Maybe...

Mehh, stuff like that makes me even more tired. I'll try to improve myself for the better but in the same time, it will also mean forcing myself in some ways which may be either good or bad.

You see, not everyone is like you. We have our strengths and weaknesses so don't judge. OH unless you want to come and experience my life first :) If you did and prove that you can lead a better example then me, then you have my respect.

I'll try to fix myself though, not for you or you or you, but for me and for the afterworld.

I'll make sure that I won't get offended by your words anymore even though sometimes you don't even mean it (Sarcasm is fun fun fun)

In the end, I still feel tired yet ... my face is smiling.

Why? Because smiling is a way to show that I still have strength to fight and move forward and most importantly, no matter how great and respectable you are, YOU will never bring me down =) Hoyeah.

The best day ever =')

I have ears :D heheh . Yep. Friday, 11th of March 2012 was one of the best day in my whole 15 years of history =') Indescribable Subhanallah. Everything went along smoothly and accordingly AND nothing, absolutely nothing ruined the day for me =') Alhamdulillah. The best day ever. 

Actually, 11th of March is my class teacher, Teacher Hasni's birthday! AND we, awesome residents of Balqis, planned an epicallyawesome surprise birthday party for our beloved teacher. I don't wanna tell you all the details because well, I'm afraid that I won't be able to describe how amazing those moments were and still are amazing =') Ya Allah. I can't. Well, let me explain in a simple way lol. Firstly,Hidayah made T.Hasni mad, we urge T.Hasni to go comfort her in the library, she got mad but at last, agreed, THEN when she opened the library's door, saw Dayah, we popped the amazingly loud and colorful popper :D and later, it's PARTY TIMEEEE . Hahaa and THAT is the simple way of the story . Ahh did I mention how my fabulous 3 Balqis became a balloon heaven? and packed with food? and epicness? and awesomeness? and how we had a photoshoot afterwards? and how so many grand and precious memories were created? and and and how much I love my classmates? =')

Even debate training on that evening flowed along well . I wasn't blurred nor tired nor disturbed nor distracted . I understood everything and I think I did okay on my speech. Still have a looot to improve on. Ahhwell .

Teacher Hasni , 3 Balqis & KH teacher =')

Look at how amazed we were by the balloons ;D

THE BALLOONS ARE ATAACKING USSS ( kidding =) 

AWWW Everyone was so happy on this day =') 

Me and Hannah comel =)

This was before the heartbreaking mothers day talk where we all got teary eyes. Usrah time with all the secondary girls ;) Some are missing from this picture but nevertheless , they are all epic =)

Thank you Ya Allah for everything . I can never ever ever repay you for any of this . Thank you .

Moments like the ones I experienced last Friday are the times where I feel extremely blessed and selfish coz  I get so much yet not do enough . I still lack in many ways . I still have a lot of gaps that I have to fix within me. Despite all of that , Allah SWT never failed to surprise me with His blessings. Let me repeat , Allah SWT the Almighty never ever ever failed to surprise me with His blessings =') Truly indescribable . Truly truly truly amazing =') Alhamdulillah , Subhanallah , AllahuAkbar .

Let's all strive for the best shall we? =')

Don't want to be depressing

Sometimes I feel like I'm not strong willed enough to do whatever I'm supposed to do to become a better person , to improve .

I can be such a pessimist at times despite how some people praised me for my optimistic self lol 

Life has it's challenges. To become better , you have to fight and sacrifice . Fight for the courage,spirit and determination and sacrifice your time coz you know what , it takes time to actually see the result . Some may not take that long but some can actually take ages to actually finally see the result and outcome of it :) 

The thing is , I still have this problem where I become demotivated very easily when I muck up in something I shouldn't be mucking up . When I failed something I shouldn't failed . When I let down people's expectation when I shouldn't be and yeah all those stuff demotivates me but usually after a few minutes or hours or days , my motivation returns . The realization hits me . I was being stupid again . Wasn't it me who actually gave those motivational positive motivations to people bout how you have to be positive,determined etc etc before? lol the irony .

Stuff like this can really bring down my shield at times . I wonder , am I a hypocrite? If I am , then maybe I should just shut my mouth and not say anything for it won't do me any good .

I don't want to be someone depressing . Someone who get stressed out over minor things . I just don't want to be like those type of people but sometimes it's hard to keep my strong front . To keep smiling . To keep being positive esp. when I already failed . Tough luck Maryam . Tough luck .