gone

it has been going on for a while.

This might just be a fluke. something temporary.

Yet, i wonder what exactly would happen if this goes on.

It seems like many things has changed for me throughout this past few weeks or maybe months. Maybe it's just that phase of being a teenager where you get the experience to ride on a different roller coaster. tch.

the things i liked in the past, has suddenly turned dull to me.

the things that i disliked and avoided from the past suddenly becomes a ray of light in my eyes.

it's frightening.

Maybe, i'm still a rookie in this whole "no matter what life throws at you, keep moving". Yet I believe there has to be a reason for all this events that has happened. In my past and the current time.

lately though, one other thing has been bothering me.

I feel like as strange as this might sounds, my emotions are freezing up.

My enthusiasm is hard to grasp and reach. I don't know what i truly like anymore.

The presence of humans around me gets on my nerves easily.

I tend to avoid people when i get the opportunity.

Ah, i am an introvert but it has never been this bad.

Yet, when i'm around people, i seem to be completely fine. completely contented. Am i?

there's something i have yet to understand regarding myself.

I need to get ahead of this game.

A game where only i can win or lose.

it has been going on for too long.

yet again, uncertainties are lurking everywhere  that even i, find it

intimidating.

Fascinating

i was never the type who enjoys being in a crowd,

being a claustrophobic is a pain.

being an introvert is another thing.

yet, whenever i got caught in a situation which involves being in the company of a huge number of people, the same thoughts always cross my mind.

Looking around, 

everyone around me seems so different, so unique.

"fascinating"

i said to myself.

it's interesting how no one is exactly similar to the other. even twins have their differences.

 That's just how amazing my Creator is.

but then again,

the same thoughts passed my mind today.

While standing in the hall during assembly among my friends,

while leaning against the wall at the stairs during the evening, waiting for my sister to pick me up.

All i need to do is to look around, and i could see one person walking towards the park, a kid jumping happily in front of An Nadiya, a boy sitting on a chair, a mom carrying her baby and many other activities by different individuals that i couldn't possibly keep note of them all. Everyone seems to have their own program. Their own story. Nothing they do is the same. Every one second, someone would do something. Even when you're in class with your friends, listening to the same teacher teaching in front, copying down the same thing from the whiteboard to your notebook, your actions and thoughts still in a sense differ from your friends. 

Every single time,

i would thought to myself.

"what would this people be in the future?"

"what is their story?"

"what are they actually going through?"

"what kind of path would they tread on the future?"

"what are they thinking right now?"

once in my life, i wished i could mind read. It would save me so much thoughts haha.

Although now, i would re think that wish of mine coz well, it does have its consequences...