Sunday, September 30, 2012

My daily gift


"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why it's called "present" "

You know what,
I have been thinking a lot this few days to the extend that I can't sleep and most of the times end up talking to myself since those times are usually the time people get their beauty sleep so I'm left alone with thoughts pondering over lots of different ideas and issues.

It seems as if my brain have changed it's ways.
My "random" part in my brain seems to have toned down. Less hectic.
Lately I've been thinking more about the world in general.
Although when I get tired all of those stuff, my dramatic and random side jumps out and turns my mind into a topsy turvy land.

There are times when I feel greatly motivated to do lots of good stuff but days like today are the days where my emotions took over me. I studied but I did it to forget about my annoying emotions. Thankfully today is a Sunday meaning I don't really need to face anyone asides from my family which I barely saw today because I kind of locked myself in my room not wanting to hurt anyone because of my condition.

I thought.
Yesterday I was so happy, who would thought today will be like this. It's like I get this daily presents which I get to open every day and in each box there are different types of gift. ALWAYS different. I can never really guess what the gift will be. A mystery present that I get everyday. For me getting all these gifts are incredibly wonderful. Despite that some things can happen to ruin my mood for a bit on a particular day, I still think that every day is a truly "epically awesome" day. Truly the best gift that I'll ever get.

Thank you.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Confusion

Another great night, studied, drank nice hot milo, air- conditioner switched on to a suitable temperature , isya' prayer all done, contented, happy and well, everything feels right so what else is there for me to not be happy? Sadly, something is bugging my mind.

I missed school today.
I don't know, maybe coz I was tired but well, I think EVERYONE who attended the two days seminar was tired so who am I to use that as an excuse?
Maybe I was slightly overwhelmed by the sudden emotions last night? but don't everyone get that at times? I wonder, do they miss school because of that particular reason?
Well duh, I wasn't in my best condition this morning? Can that be an excuse? I don't know.

Right now, I feel confused.

Unlike many others, I haven't figured out what course do I want to take in the future? Which university do I want to go? Malaysia or somewhere else in this vast universe? 

I always thought I know what I want to be in the future but if someone ask me, I'll start asking myself  and confuse myself.

Me being me, I hate making decisions especially when I'm not totally clear on what and where my real interest lies. What exactly am I interested in? One day, I'm interested in science and at that moment everything seems clear to me but the next moment, all that excitement disappear. Happened a lot in my life. Maybe I'm just afraid that one day I'll decide to pursue on something but lost my passion and interest in the middle of it. Giving up? No, but I'll probably become a robot.

You know,
I actually have so many untangled knots in my mind.
Maybe I think way too much at times.
Those knots, some are quite easy to untangle, some are tougher and bigger and more complicated.
I wished that those knots will just untangle themselves for me so that I can have a clear view of my future even though it probably won't be the exact thing but well, better than nothing but guess what, those knots are stubborn. They want me to figure it out myself. They want me to be in a deep state of confusion for a long time. They want me to be patient. To untangle them slowly, but surely. They don't want me to be reckless and make stupid decisons coz that will just give me a harder time.

So well, as for now, 
there's still some time for me to untangle those knots.

Thus,
let me just enjoy this peaceful night and say goodbye to all this confusions which I'll still face sooner or later. Goodbye.