Mystery

I wonder how it is to live a life surrounded by never ending mysteries. Suffocating yes but somehow for me maybe it's because I've always been captivated by all those detectives, spies, mysteries and supernaturals stories that sometimes I wish I'm that cool person who gets to uncover all the hidden secrets and reveal all the truth. I wish I'm that person who creates all those cool strategies, disguise perfectly as someone else, entered a protected building without anyone's knowledge, chase the suspect, and you know everything related to that.

Must be interesting to have a life where everyone know that you can do it. I'm not really a fan of high expectations but I guess when you're called a detective, you just have to solve the case given to you.

Solving the case one by one. Clue by clue. Step by step. Suspect detected. Proof discovered and the whole case unravels itself.

As much as I am a bookworm. I still have my own preferences. Love and romance and stuff like that is at the bottom of my list because for me, it doesn't have the thrill and suspense that mystery type of dramas/stories have. Sure, there may be some thrills and suspense but mehh not the same at all. The feeling for me is entirely different. Maybe it's because in a way I kind of like to think crazy stuff like the supernaturals and stuff. I even have my own movies and dramas in my head. In each movie/drama, I have my own characters that I made and somehow maybe just maybe the reason why I created those stuff is because I want to satisfy myself.

There are times,
when I'm in a way not satisfied with something but I tell myself, I should be grateful.

But it still bugs me at times,
so I ran to my own mystical world and weave wonders.

It's kind of like an automatic thing that my mind do,
Whenever I'm left alone with my thoughts, it's either I think about non crazy stuff or crazy stuff.
Most of the times when I entered the crazy part of my brain, I entered this phase where it's as if I'm directing my own movie/drama. It still amuse me how if I actually take out a paper and pen and list all the stories I directed and created, it will probably take out the whole paper and I'll end up laughing at how weird I can be at times.

As of right now, I just think that as much as I like all that, I'm kind of glad I'm not a top notch detective or someone with super powers or something coz it seems so pressuring at times as much as how I find it to be interesting haha.

Well, random alert!
Guess what people, you never know...
maybe one day I'll be the one you thought could never be ;)

Hopefully, whatever I may turn out to be, let's all hope that it's something good InshaAllah.

Agreed

I had always have that problem where I think TOO much and I can't help it.

It just come. It's like, this unstoppable wave that somehow never stop coming. Well, something like that haha

Well, you see,
thinking is GOOD but when you think too much it either comes down to good or bad.
Depends on the situation itself.

This matter somehow also affect me in my daily life.

Like when I'm supposed to be asleep.
I lay in bed at 10, I sleep at 11. Unless I'm like super tired, then I'll sleep like baby haha
Hah maybe that's why I like to sleep so much.
It's coz it's so hard for me to sleep itself.

Anyways,
I had always conceded to this fact about myself but only today did someone clearly pointed it out. Like whoaa, amazing ;)

You know, most of the times,
the main reason why I'm quiet at times is because I'm thinking way too much that it fall out clumsily when I open my mouth so I decided that it's better to stay silent rather than making myself look stupid because people will not even understand what I will be talking about or they'll be like weirded out OR they will have a hard time trying to understand what I said. It's for the best xD

Not like I stay quiet all the time.
Of course, I talk.
Will be even weirder, if I don't talk at all and keep everything in.
Might as well be a tree if like that.

Really,
now, I'm trying organize my mind because to be honest, I feel like my way thinking is a bit cluttered at times SO right now, I'm on this organizing spreeeee.
I have like all this compartments in my mind ready to classify and order my thoughts so that I won't trip or forget anything again after this InshaAllah.
A bit hard really esp. since well, once you get used and comfortable with something, it's hard to change you way unless you have the courage and spirit to change itself.

but you know what, change is good! especially when it's for the better InshaAllah :)

Emotions

Ever woke up and look around and immediately get a surge of emotions in you?
and the strongest emotion you get at that time is anger.

Times like when someone did something you dislike with your belongings without your consent.
Times when your beloved ones did something you dislike without your knowledge when you were asleep.

*sigh*

I love them yet sometimes Allah SWT challenge my love for them by giving me challenges like this.

Dear family, for you I'll be patient.
You have done so much for me so why can't I stay quiet and endure this little mistake that you might not even realize that it's wrong when you did it.

Weary

I'm tired, weary.

Few more days till Ramadhan yet it seems as if some of us doesn't even care that THIS is the holy month of Ramadhan in the first place. It seems as if the only time we tried to change was during the beginning of Ramadhan. It seems as if we're not making any attempt to change anymore because of the mere excuse of

 "this is my real self, this is how I always act, this is my personality and it can't be change because this IS the real me and it can't be helped" 

Really?
Is it true that it can't be helped OR you're just too lazy to show some effort in helping yourself. Or could it be that you're already in your comfort zone. You're afraid of change. You're afraid to step out. You're afraid to accept reality. You know, your words won't do you any good if you don't act on it. A big waste, really.

I believe that some of us already know our responsibility. The rights and wrongs. Even if you don't know, it's YOUR job to learn, to ask. Living in ignorance is an extremely sad life no matter how you put it. Now, if you already know and had been educated about etiquette, the five daily prayers, your responsibility as muslim/muslimah and all that, it will be a sin for you IF you don't practice what you learn. To be entirely honest, what's the point of learning if you DON'T use it. WHAT's the point of having a brain IF you don't use it. I beg you to ponder over what I just typed. Please.

I'm tired.
I don't know how to put it in words.
I don't know how to advice.
I'm scared of offending people rather than motivating them.
I'm lost.

This days, I've been entirely different from my usual self.
Maybe because I'm tired or maybe because I've been viewing this world in a different way causing myself to be shocked itself. It seems as if this time, some unknown thing is trying to get into me, trying to make me fall down but at the same time strengthening me. An unknown battle.

It seems as if lately, I've been standing in a narrow slope where it is located at place where I can easily fall down and break into pieces and a place where the road is so narrow that  it scares the wit out of me, where the corner is so sharp that I can easily fall down after I decided to move forward and I don't even know what exactly is behind that corner. It seems like the only way for me to survive is to move slowly and carefully or take a risk and sprint and face whatever that's waiting for me there. One wrong step, and I'm probably doomed but if I do survive, new things will be waiting for me. I don't even know if I can survive through those "new" things but guess what, I'm a fighter. I ain't backing down as much as this is killing me.

I'll survive this weariness. I will. 

Ya Allah, I pray for your guidance.

View

I was born in a nice family who took care of me when I was a kid and even now they still are with me, always behind me and encouraging me to move  forward and they ladies and gentleman, are my greatest ally, supporter, motivater and the greatest of all, they are MY family Alhamdulillah :)

So because I was born in a family which I don't really need to fight that much with my siblings since I AM the youngest lol and there's like a huge age gap between me and my siblings *sigh* so most of the times, I play with myself xD, I don't really need to speak out that much in my family since they all understand me, most of the times ;) All of that turned me into a quiet shy kid when I entered school for the 1st time ever. I was that kid who hate to speak in front of everyone. Who barely play sport, who most of the times prefer to be in her comfort zone.

At the age of 12, I started to enjoy speaking in front of the public but that was just the very late starting point in my life. Later, I went to Saudi with my family and lived there for like 1 year :) It was a very important and interesting experience for me. I've moved a lot but all schools I entered was religious schools so I went from a religious school to a social international school :) haha wow. Huge difference there but it was fun :) I adapted after lots of challenges and came back to Malaysia with improved english and a wider view of the world.

See, being with people from diff cultures and religions helped me to see the world better. It dawned on me, I must change, if I want to stand with my own feet among all this people, I have to know how to survive. So, I changed.

Then, I joined debate in Sri Ayesha and started reading the news, meet more people, learn speaking skills and a better way to think :) To be honest, I was very reluctant to join, I still have a little fear of the public in me but after my first competition I was enchanted by the wonderful debate world. A wonderful discovery :)

I feel like ya, you'll be VERY ignorant if you don't know bout what's happening now, the massacres, the bombings, the wars, it's everywhere. Lately, a mosque in Missouri was like destroyed. Muslims everywhere dying, starving, kids at the age of 11 working hard labor just to help their family, to eat. It's terrfying, but that's why WE have to do OUR role.

Our responsibility is to help the people in need especially our brothers and sisters in Islam out there. They are suffering, they barely have food to sahur and iftar, they starve everyday to the point they don't realized it anymore and here we are, eating so peacefully with so many food in front us, ignoring the silent cries of mothers who lost their children, and all those people who has seen their beloved ones killed in front of their own eyes.

We have to rise, wake up from this beautiful world of yours. Charities , giving them food,water, clothes, shelter, those are good enough. That's the least we can do. At least they won't be starving for one day.

BUT really? that's all? No.
We have to strive to become a better muslim/muslimah. Be smarter, stronger, be the best so that we can fight our enemies and win. So that we can protect ourselves and our big family :) We have to be strong mentally, physically, intellectually. We have to start preparing now! No time to be ignorant. You never know, maybe YOUR country will be the NEXT victim. Will you be ready? Or will you succumb to their orders. Think.
Our brothers and sisters are depending on us, to make a change. WE are their only hope. Their ray of light.

That's what a family is supposed to do right, help each other when in need :')

Therefore,

Use what you have now wisely. Appreciate what you have. Use everything to the best extend because THAT's our responsibility as a khalifah, the choosen one :)

The way

Sometimes, well no. Life ALWAYS have something for us.
Never will there be nothing.

It's all normal.
We all have to face something. Some earlier, some later and some are going through it right now :)
but in the end, those things are the things that will help us to change. Those things are the things that will make sure that we are on the right track. The right way. I guess that's why we have to be wise, we have to be strong, calm and handle those things the right way. Never let it crush you or else you'll drown.

Life is like the sea.
There will always be waves. Some strong, some not that strong. Pollution may happen. There's always a possibility that a tsunami might happen :P There's always a possibility that the sea will drown you and all those stuff may cause you fear but if you manage to overcome it, you'll dive through the sea fighting the waves, and then you'll see, the beauty of the sea. The wonders of the world. Hidden underneath :) Subhanalllah.

and besides, despite all those terrors that had happened at the sea, somehow it's still there, as beautiful as ever :)

I don't know where your road is pointing to right now but I do know that we all live for a purpose. There's a reason why Allah SWT created you. There's a reason therefore never take life for granted. All of the blessings around you may be taken away from you in a blink of an eye so beware ;)

btw,

Happy Ramadhan to all muslims and muslimahs around the word! :D