Weary

I'm tired, weary.

Few more days till Ramadhan yet it seems as if some of us doesn't even care that THIS is the holy month of Ramadhan in the first place. It seems as if the only time we tried to change was during the beginning of Ramadhan. It seems as if we're not making any attempt to change anymore because of the mere excuse of

 "this is my real self, this is how I always act, this is my personality and it can't be change because this IS the real me and it can't be helped" 

Really?
Is it true that it can't be helped OR you're just too lazy to show some effort in helping yourself. Or could it be that you're already in your comfort zone. You're afraid of change. You're afraid to step out. You're afraid to accept reality. You know, your words won't do you any good if you don't act on it. A big waste, really.

I believe that some of us already know our responsibility. The rights and wrongs. Even if you don't know, it's YOUR job to learn, to ask. Living in ignorance is an extremely sad life no matter how you put it. Now, if you already know and had been educated about etiquette, the five daily prayers, your responsibility as muslim/muslimah and all that, it will be a sin for you IF you don't practice what you learn. To be entirely honest, what's the point of learning if you DON'T use it. WHAT's the point of having a brain IF you don't use it. I beg you to ponder over what I just typed. Please.

I'm tired.
I don't know how to put it in words.
I don't know how to advice.
I'm scared of offending people rather than motivating them.
I'm lost.

This days, I've been entirely different from my usual self.
Maybe because I'm tired or maybe because I've been viewing this world in a different way causing myself to be shocked itself. It seems as if this time, some unknown thing is trying to get into me, trying to make me fall down but at the same time strengthening me. An unknown battle.

It seems as if lately, I've been standing in a narrow slope where it is located at place where I can easily fall down and break into pieces and a place where the road is so narrow that  it scares the wit out of me, where the corner is so sharp that I can easily fall down after I decided to move forward and I don't even know what exactly is behind that corner. It seems like the only way for me to survive is to move slowly and carefully or take a risk and sprint and face whatever that's waiting for me there. One wrong step, and I'm probably doomed but if I do survive, new things will be waiting for me. I don't even know if I can survive through those "new" things but guess what, I'm a fighter. I ain't backing down as much as this is killing me.

I'll survive this weariness. I will. 

Ya Allah, I pray for your guidance.