Confusion

Another great night, studied, drank nice hot milo, air- conditioner switched on to a suitable temperature , isya' prayer all done, contented, happy and well, everything feels right so what else is there for me to not be happy? Sadly, something is bugging my mind.

I missed school today.

I don't know, maybe coz I was tired but well, I think EVERYONE who attended the two days seminar was tired so who am I to use that as an excuse?

Maybe I was slightly overwhelmed by the sudden emotions last night? but don't everyone get that at times? I wonder, do they miss school because of that particular reason?

Well duh, I wasn't in my best condition this morning? Can that be an excuse? I don't know.

Right now, I feel confused.

Unlike many others, I haven't figured out what course do I want to take in the future? Which university do I want to go? Malaysia or somewhere else in this vast universe? 

I always thought I know what I want to be in the future but if someone ask me, I'll start asking myself  and confuse myself.

Me being me, I hate making decisions especially when I'm not totally clear on what and where my real interest lies. What exactly am I interested in? One day, I'm interested in science and at that moment everything seems clear to me but the next moment, all that excitement disappear. Happened a lot in my life. Maybe I'm just afraid that one day I'll decide to pursue on something but lost my passion and interest in the middle of it. Giving up? No, but I'll probably become a robot.

You know,
I actually have so many untangled knots in my mind.
Maybe I think way too much at times.
Those knots, some are quite easy to untangle, some are tougher and bigger and more complicated.
I wished that those knots will just untangle themselves for me so that I can have a clear view of my future even though it probably won't be the exact thing but well, better than nothing but guess what, those knots are stubborn. They want me to figure it out myself. They want me to be in a deep state of confusion for a long time. They want me to be patient. To untangle them slowly, but surely. They don't want me to be reckless and make stupid decisons coz that will just give me a harder time.

So well, as for now, 

there's still some time for me to untangle those knots.

Thus,

let me just enjoy this peaceful night and say goodbye to all this confusions which I'll still face sooner or later. Goodbye.