Right now I'm torned .
This challenge which I never expect to happen .
My heart feels like it's torned .
I know what's right but at the same time I wanted to feel what it feels like to be like other kids around my age who doesn't need to worry about how they will need to catch up all the 1 year and half studies for pmr .
My cousins had told me for a long time already that they will go to Langkawi for vacation . Nearly all of my beloved cousins will be going and I knew ..
I already made up my mind that I will not go for the sake of attending the tuitions at my school for pmr coz I know that unlike other students I have to work even harder. I know that I can do it, it's just the matter of wether I'm strong enough to withstand all those challenges out there inviting me to forget about pmr and simply have fun as though nothing is wrong.
Today , my cousins came to pick up my other cousins at my house to go to Langkawi tomorrow .
Once they came , I felt this urge to go with them esp. since it has been a long time since I spend time with them.
I felt this sudden sadness in myself when I realized I couldn't and shouldn't go .
I remain strong to my stand until my cousins started to talk to me about the vacation. They invited me once again.
I was torned.
My parents told me that I already went to Langkawi countless of times before so it's not worth it.
I knew bout that but .. that's different . I never went there with my cousins . Never .
My parents then said that I have a lot of things to catch up to and those tuitions are my golden chance to catch up with all those studies.
True . Despite my torned heart at than time, deep in my heart I knew that all that my parents said is true .
It's just that ..
the thought of spending time with beloved cousins, having fun , no books, was too much for me.
My cousins persuaded me to come along . I wanted to but at the same time I can't .
They left after telling me they will set off to Langkawi tomorrow night and I can give my answer next morning.
When they left , I couldn't bear to see them leave coz I knew .. I knew beforehand what my decisions will be.
I will stay . Stay home and attend the tuitions. I have a goal . My goal is to achieve 9A's in PMR .
If I went to Langkawi with them , I'll no doubt have fun , but later .. when I got home what will happen ?
I will miss 3 days of tuitions. 3 days in which I could learn so much .
Shamefully , I admit . I cried . I cried my heart out in my room . Alone.
Some of you may think that the reason to why I was crying is completely childish or immatured or I was just being to emotional but ... whatever you say , it was hard for me . By crying , at least I got rid of some of those sadness in myself . Better than pretending to be strong and keeping all those sadness inside until one day it'll explode .
Afterwards , I calmed down a little bit . I know by now , that I had make the right choice to stay . Just a few minutes ago , I was tested by God . To see wether I can withstand it , wether all my talks and promises to get 9A's is true or simply just a dream, wether I will choose the fun path that will in the end ruin myself or the hard path which will in the end bring happiness to myself.
This challenge which I never expect to happen .
My heart feels like it's torned .
I know what's right but at the same time I wanted to feel what it feels like to be like other kids around my age who doesn't need to worry about how they will need to catch up all the 1 year and half studies for pmr .
My cousins had told me for a long time already that they will go to Langkawi for vacation . Nearly all of my beloved cousins will be going and I knew ..
I already made up my mind that I will not go for the sake of attending the tuitions at my school for pmr coz I know that unlike other students I have to work even harder. I know that I can do it, it's just the matter of wether I'm strong enough to withstand all those challenges out there inviting me to forget about pmr and simply have fun as though nothing is wrong.
Today , my cousins came to pick up my other cousins at my house to go to Langkawi tomorrow .
Once they came , I felt this urge to go with them esp. since it has been a long time since I spend time with them.
I felt this sudden sadness in myself when I realized I couldn't and shouldn't go .
I remain strong to my stand until my cousins started to talk to me about the vacation. They invited me once again.
I was torned.
My parents told me that I already went to Langkawi countless of times before so it's not worth it.
I knew bout that but .. that's different . I never went there with my cousins . Never .
My parents then said that I have a lot of things to catch up to and those tuitions are my golden chance to catch up with all those studies.
True . Despite my torned heart at than time, deep in my heart I knew that all that my parents said is true .
It's just that ..
the thought of spending time with beloved cousins, having fun , no books, was too much for me.
My cousins persuaded me to come along . I wanted to but at the same time I can't .
They left after telling me they will set off to Langkawi tomorrow night and I can give my answer next morning.
When they left , I couldn't bear to see them leave coz I knew .. I knew beforehand what my decisions will be.
I will stay . Stay home and attend the tuitions. I have a goal . My goal is to achieve 9A's in PMR .
If I went to Langkawi with them , I'll no doubt have fun , but later .. when I got home what will happen ?
I will miss 3 days of tuitions. 3 days in which I could learn so much .
Shamefully , I admit . I cried . I cried my heart out in my room . Alone.
Some of you may think that the reason to why I was crying is completely childish or immatured or I was just being to emotional but ... whatever you say , it was hard for me . By crying , at least I got rid of some of those sadness in myself . Better than pretending to be strong and keeping all those sadness inside until one day it'll explode .
Afterwards , I calmed down a little bit . I know by now , that I had make the right choice to stay . Just a few minutes ago , I was tested by God . To see wether I can withstand it , wether all my talks and promises to get 9A's is true or simply just a dream, wether I will choose the fun path that will in the end ruin myself or the hard path which will in the end bring happiness to myself.
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